Bumper-to-Bumper Red Tape

When I bought my year-old Ford Escape Hybrid on January 1, 2006, I also purchased a 6-year, 60,000-mile bumper-to-bumper warranty. I figured the warranty would be a good investment since it's a hybrid and only Ford dealers are qualified to service the hybrid parts.

On February 1st I dropped my car off at the Ford dealership in Columbia for an oil change. Why on earth would you go to the dealer for an oil change, you ask? Ah. This is because Jiffy Lube will no longer change the oil in my hybrid. According to district headquarters, the plastic cap that holds the tiny filter in place is breakable—and Jiffy Lube doesn't want to be liable for the $30 plastic part if they carelessly break it. Never mind that the local Jiffy Lube had changed my oil three other times last year without worry. But since that time, some corporate suit began thinking "liability alert" and handed down this stupid decision to deny service on Escape hybrids which, in effect, discriminates against hybrid owners. But that's not the story I'm here to tell today.

Anyway, since I was leaving the car at Ford for an oil change, (which takes 1.5 hours at the dealer as opposed to 20 minutes at jiffy Lube), I decided to ask them to replace the rear window seal that had a minor leak. I figured I may as well get the most from the extra grand or two I'd paid for my extended warranty. The guy at the service desk never smiled once, didn't tell me his name, and never offered me a business card. I assumed that this was due to the fact that it was about 29 degrees in the service bay where he was forced to sit on an uncomfortable stool all day. I asked him to call me when it was ready. My good friend Ed had stopped by to pick me up, and off to work we went.

By 3pm I still hadn't heard from Ford, so I called and left a message for my anonymous service guy. Turns out his name is Angel. Around 3:30 he left me a voicemail message to call him back. I finally got a hold of him at 3:45. The car wasn't ready yet. I thought silently, "They've had the car since 8:15. How long does it take to change the oil and replace a window seal?" According to Angel, he was still waiting on warranty approval. "You're kidding," I hoped.

Not kidding. As it turns out, effective February 1, 2007, the warranty company had imposed new strict requirements prior to approving any warranty work. The service guy was required to take digital photos of the car, the part needing repair, and the odometer. (Seriously!) Using a laptop and digital camera provided by the warranty company, the photos had to be uploaded and submitted with the usual extensive warranty paperwork. Angel wasn't happy about the new process; in fact, we both agreed it was pretty ludicrous. He told me that if I'd just come in the day before, there wouldn't have been any problem. Is this not typical of my bad luck, or what?

Angel wasn't able to get warranty approval in a timely manner, so the seal wasn't replaced, thus inconveniencing me (the customer) who made special arrangements to drop my car off that day and get a ride from and to the dealership.

You'd think the car would've been waiting and ready to go when I showed up at 4:45PM to pick it up, which is exactly when I said I'd be there. After all, they only did an oil change. Turns out, they had to order the window seal. Huh? This is the Ford dealership, not Don's Auto Repairs—isn't the Ford dealer supposed to stock Ford parts? Ugh. Thus, even with warranty approval, they couldn't have replaced the seal if they wanted to that day.

Finally, after several minutes of waiting for the "ticket" to appear through a glass window, Angel told me I could leave. I mentioned, "Don't you want me to pay for the oil change?" He was like, "oops!"

That's when the next problem arose. With the new system, he couldn't close out my ticket since there was a warranty part on order on the same ticket. Angel threw his hands up in the air when he realized this dilemma. He had to get help from one of the other service guys, then go back into the office to try to straighten out the ticket predicament. This took another 10 minutes. By the time I left, it had been nine hours since I'd dropped my car off for these two simple services, and only one of those had been finished. Wow. I admit, I miss Jiffy Lube.

This whole experience screams loudly that we have become such a litigious society that no one trusts anyone anymore. We can't lift a finger to do something for someone else without wondering, "Hmmm, who's liableif I screw this up?" Warranty companies now require digital photographs of the odometer? Please. It's pathetic. The warranty company has just increased the workload of the dealership service divisions ten-fold. More work means more time spent, and more time spent means costs go up. And guess who will ultimately pay the increase in costs? You got it—the consumer. You can expect your next warranty to cost a lot more money. (Sounds a lot like buying insurance, doesn't it?)

We know we're in trouble as a society when car dealerships start behaving like medical facilities, which are so overburdened by malpractice claims and the cost of malpractice insurance that a trip to the doctor costs more (and requires more paperwork) every year. I almost didn't go through with my Lasik surgery on Friday because the doctor required that I sign a form waiving my right to a trial in the event a dispute arises. I had to question the doc as to the legality of forcing me to sign a form denying me my constitutional right to a trial. They assured me that if I didn't sign, they weren't going to perform the surgery. What choice did I have, after all the time (and pay) I'd missed from work to make this surgery happen?

Alas, I signed, and I went through with the procedure. Sure, I never expected there to be any sort of problem resulting in the need for a trial. But that's not the point. I shouldn't have to give up any of my rights in order to go through elective surgery. I made it pretty clear that I was uncomfortable with what I thought could very well be an unconstitutional requirement.

Oh well, at least I can see clearly now—or, almost clearly, anyway. More on that later. Back to the Super Bowl where it's raining cats and dogs on the Colts and Bears in Miami.