Snow! 

Parking Lot: Before 

Parking Lot: After 

Russet Area in Laurel, Maryland Where I Currently Stay 

My Temporary Apartment - Top Floor 

Snow!

February 12, 2006

They said it would snow Saturday but I didn’t know it was going to snow this much! A foot! I am so glad I brought a pair of snow boots to temp housing; I needed them today. And good thing I stopped by Wal-Mart for an ice scraper for the car last night. (Me and a thousand other people.)

When I got up this morning the electricity was off. And it stayed off till after noon. The hardest part about that ordeal was not having any coffee to wake up with! Not much to do inside, so I bundled up and went out with a broom and large dust pan that came with the apartment. It took me an hour to clean the foot of snow from off my car – and from in front of it. It was a chore I had to do.

There’s no way I was going to miss work tomorrow.

Note: Your attitude toward work changes drastically when you are no longer a salaried employee and instead get paid by the hour. You are much more motivated to show up on a snow day.

I didn’t realize how much work snow removal was. I'm used to having a garage, so it's been 12 years since I've had to clean snow off my car. By the time I was done this morning, I was soaked with sweat and my back hurt. It had been a while since I needed a pain pill for my back, but I took one today. I must say, Oxycontin works.

I was born in southern Maryland in 1964. My dad told me on the phone today that we got enough snow that year to break records – about 23” in a week.

Welcome to Maryland!

TGIF and TGI Can Afford Grapes Now

February 10, 2006

Within one hour of starting my new job Monday I found out I had a deliverable Friday - just five short days for my first deliverable. Actually, two deliverables. I’m new to the entire Common Criteria project, not to mention the company, so I had to bust some serious hiney to figure out what I need to know to start and finish two annotated outlines – one for a user’s guide and one for an admin guide. I really wasn't sure I'd finish in time.

But by 4:15 today I’d handed in both outlines. (And my peer, a company veteran who had just one deliverable due today, was unable to meet the deadline. My lead kept prompting me to push this guy to get his work done. I tried, but you know you can't make the horse drink. The guy just wasn't able to focus. In fact, by end of day he'd barely even begun his outline. Guess who's working this weekend?)

My office-mate—a wonderfully smart and funny woman by the name of Rashmi—told me to give myself a pat on the back. And so I did!

I celebrated by going to Costco to buy another fake plant for our office, which Rashmi and I have been decorating together (item by item) all week. Normally I wouldn’t be too keen on having an office-mate, but I adore Rashmi. She is one of these quiet, shy, sweet people - but ironically she has me in stitches half the time. We have a lot in common, and we laugh a lot - probably to the point of annoying other people on the hallway. She even takes my recycling home with her since the apartment complex where I live doesn’t provide recycling pickup. Blasphemy. After years of heavy-duty recycling training in the crisp, clean Pacific Northwest, I found it unbearable last week to throw away a plastic milk jug and several plastic soda bottles. Rashmi to the rescue!

Living in suburbia is so different from the City. I think I’ve been to Wal-Mart ten times since I got to Maryland two weeks ago. Why? Because I can. And I’ve been to Costco four times. And the grocery store many times. Last week I paid $1.79/lb. for green grapes. The same would’ve cost me $3.99/lb. at Food Emporium on 49th Street and 8th Avenue in NYC. (I went most of 15 months without eating grapes because I wasn’t going to pay that.) This week I paid 58 cents a roll for Charmin toilet paper – the big rolls – instead of a buck a roll for the skimpy sandpaper rolls. Oh, and the best deal of all—I got my usual 30-lb. bag of kitty litter for just $9.99 instead of $18.99. Yay! I can afford kitty litter again! Martin is oh-so-pleased.

Yesterday I took my portable hard drive to work to copy some key files over to my office computer. When I realized I had all my photos on that drive, I pulled up some of my favorite NY shots and set up one of the night shots of Times Square as my desktop wallpaper on my PC. That way I can still pretend I live in the City. I smile every time I look at that picture. I do miss NYC. But that doesn’t mean I don’t like my new life . . .

. . . which will finally be back to normal on March 3rd when I move into my new townhouse. No more moving!! I just want it to be over with so that I can have some sense of “home” and stability and security and…well, not moving!

Movin’, Movin’, Movin'. . . Rawhide

February 5, 2006

- “Susie, what did you do on your vacation?”
- “I moved.”
-“What about last year?”
-“I moved.”
- “And the year before that?”
- “I moved.”
- “Well, then what’d you do last weekend?”
- “I moved from Manhattan.”
- “What about this past week. You do anything different?”
- “Nope, I moved from Columbia to Laurel.”
- “Aren't you done moving?”
- “Nope. I’m moving to Ellicott City at the end of this month.”

Today my brother Pete turns 44. Next month my sister will be 43. And I’ll be 42 the following month. By then I will have moved 42 times. What happened to that number being just 41, you ask? Elephants. That’s what happened. I had elephants living above me in my temporary apartment in Columbia, and I’m pretty sure they were bowling. Yes bowling. In the living room.

The newly built apartments look nice from the outside and are pretty nice on the inside, but I'd swear they were constructed of cardboard and Saran wrap - unlike my Manhattan apartment that was walled in solid cement.

The pounding and stomping from my upstairs neighbors (dogs and kids included) got so bad that the corporate housing folks had to call the apartment management office. My first complaint was passed on to them last Monday. The second complaint went in on Tuesday. When that didn’t work, I called the apartment people directly last Wednesday night, after hours. In turn, they called a state patrolman who lives on site and acts as community watch.

The young, strong, good-looking officer with his military haircut came to my door that evening. He wasn’t surprised about my complaint; he said he’d been up to that apartment responding to complaints on several occasions. He said they have a history of slamming doors and running up and down the stairs a lot (bam! bam! bam!). I agreed wholeheartedly. So he went up and knocked loudly (like cops do) on their door.

From inside my apartment, I heard the upstairs neighbor run to his front door and stop to look out the peep hole. He saw the cop and didn’t answer the door. The officer tried knocking again, saying, “Maryland State Police. Please open the door.” Still the tenant refused to answer. (Guilty much?) The nice officer stood there knocking for several minutes to no avail. He came back down and told me that they were standing right behind the door but wouldn’t answer. I’d heard the whole thing and told them I knew they were there too. He indicated that they’d be getting a nasty letter from the landlord.

It was quiet the rest of the evening, but with people like that who don't care about their neighbors, chances are they aren't going to change. So I decided to cancel my short-term lease and move out. So much for settling in. I went home-hunting again the next day and found another corporate apartment in Laurel. This one is on the top floor of a 3-story apartment building and is more expensive, but I took it for the peace and quiet.

I spent Friday moving to Russet. It took two car trips and a zillion trips up and down stairs, huffing and puffing. Four hours later I was done moving, and Martin was scoping out the new place. It only took him a matter of minutes to get adjusted this time. He even slept with me the first night. This moving stuff is old hat for him now.

So tonight is an exciting, long-awaited event: Seattle Seahawks in the Super Bowl. Yay, go Hawks! And tomorrow is the big day. I start my new ‘beltway bandit’ job as Security Systems Engineer for a large scientific research and development company in Columbia. I can’t wait to start working again. Not that moving isn’t work – but I’m ready for some brain work. Oh yeah, and a paycheck wouldn't hurt.

As it turns out, the house I was going to buy in downtown Laurel fell through at inspection last month. I decided that, after failing at purchasing a home after at five costly house-hunting trips, I would just rent for a while - as much as I dreaded moving twice...something I wanted desperately to avoid. I found a nice 2-bedroom, top-floor loft apartment to rent at the Elms at Mont Joy in Ellicott City and was all lined up for it. I’d done everything but sign the lease, which they were going to mail to me in New York.

On my way out of the Elms complex, I had to pull over to write down a phone number. If someone had been behind me in their car, I wouldn't have pulled off the road into a parking lot. As it happens, the parking lot that I was forced to stop at was adjacent to a model town home. I had the car in reverse, ready to leave, when I noticed the model. I decided “What the heck,” and got out to look. I figured I had time to kill, and I'd look just for fun.

The model was beautiful. Just astonishing. I fell in love with the gorgeous kitchen with its Zodiaq counters, and the huge master bedroom, thinking “No way I can afford this.” I talked to the agent. Yup, the place was around $550,000. Too rich for me. However, she told me that they were running a special on their less expensive Freedom models - $40,000 off. She pointed me to that model, and I drove over to take a look. I’d seen it earlier and been tempted to stop, but I drove on past it with the thought, “Nope, I’m going to just rent – no more house-hunting!”

To make a long story short, within a week I’d decided to buy a brand new town house on Mont Joy Place in the new Mont Joy subdivision. This was my serendipity, so I knew it was the right thing to do. I’d totally given up on buying when the right place just fell in my lap. As it turned out, I bought the last one available. So I knew in my heart it was meant to be.

It’s still being built and should be ready for closing the last week of February. This will be the first brand new place I’ve ever owned! (Thank goodness I got in soon enough to change the color of the kitchen counters!)

So my future home is in Ellicott City, Maryland, voted one of the 25 best places to live by Money magazine. I can’t wait to move. Um….again. Gad. I’m going for the Guinness Record for most moves in a lifetime. . . .

Oooooh - Seattle just won the toss. It's kick-off time. See ya!!!

Hello, Suburbia

February 1, 2006

On a beautiful nearly-seventy-degree Saturday, my Manhattan movers moved most of my stuff into a 10x20 storage unit in Catonsville, not too far north of where I’m staying. We said our good-byes, I tipped them heavily, and then I finished moving the rest of my stuff into a temporary apartment. Since then I’ve been enjoying sleeping and shopping and car-driving in this strange new environment called suburbia.

Everything is so-o-o-o-o convenient. This area near Columbia is a great location – close to all the major roads including I-95. And convenient to both D.C. and Baltimore. I haven’t had to fight traffic. Grocery stores are wonderfully huge – with aisles that can fit not only multiple people simultaneously but also these metal things on wheels that you can carry your groceries in. They're called carts. It’s amazing how many groceries you can fit into one of these carts. And you don’t have to carry it all home on both arms – you can put it in your car and drive it home! What an amazing concept. I’d forgotten what real grocery shopping is like.

And Costco – wow! I hadn’t been in a Costco in a year and a half. That was fun. I bought a new faucet for my future home and some jeans for my new job (which, by the way, is casual dress - no more Wall Street suits, yay!). Suburbia also has lots of malls and huge department stores like Wal-Marts where you can buy just about anything. Shoe stores the size of Bill Gates’ house. Discount clothing stores that sell scarves for under $640 and purses under $850. There's a Pier 1 on every corner....and even a Sears in the Mall at Columbia.

I haven’t shopped this much in a year. Although I miss the excitement of New York, I’m adjusting easily to suburbia and loving my new Ford Escape Hybrid. It makes around 30 mpg, which is twice the mileage I made in the Explorer. It has some cool features – including a GPS sensor and navigation system, a mileage meter that shows fuel consumption as you drive, and a graphic display showing when you’re using the gas engine, the electric motor, or both.

Just a few more days of errands and getting to know the area...oh, and the Seattle Seahawks in the Super Bowl...then I’m off to my new job!

Vinny 2005 (with Susie's Stuffed Storage Space 2005)...

...and the New Improved Vinny 2006 - "Buff" Model!

Good-Bye, New York City

1:45AM January 28, 2006

Zap! With a snap of the fingers, my 15-month stint in New York is over. I can hardly believe that my life in Manhattan is a memory. When my favorite movers showed up at my apartment today, Tommy and I both said we couldn’t believe that a year had gone by since they’d moved me in. I hired the same core crew that moved me last year – Arty, Tommy, and Vinny. Best movers I've ever had. This job was déjà vu for all of us.

Poor Martin. He hates moving. I can't stand having to lock him up in a room while the movers work, and I hate putting him in his carry bag (a.k.a. “kitty prison”) for a long car drive. He cried all day long. He cried at me even more when the apartment was empty. He kept looking up at me, meowing his little head off, with that look that clearly indicated, “What – again?!”

Alas, his terror was brief. Since we arrived at our temporary apartment in Maryland earlier this evening, he’s been in kitty heaven. First he sniffed out every corner of the place. Then he checked out all the furniture. Next he was peering through the blinds out onto the balcony, opening up all the cabinet doors, sneaking into the closets, and the one that makes me laugh the most – burrowing into each of the two big sofas. He’s always gotta see what’s under those cushions. He even jumped into one of the bathtubs just to check that out. You know what they say about curiosity....

It’s 2:00AM now, but no Martin on my pillow. Normally Martin is in bed with me within a couple minutes of my turning out the light (if not sooner). Tonight – nothing doing. He’s too busy exploring!

So we made it. I’m too dead tired to sleep. Insomnia has kicked in. Moving is a lot of long, hard work. Tommy and Vinny couldn’t believe how much packing I’d done in the week since they'd stopped by with boxes galore. Even so, I still wasn’t done by the time they arrived at 9:00AM today. I’d run out of boxes – and time. By 1:00PM we were done. I finished my end at the same time the guys finished loading the truck. I had a hunger headache.

Then it was on to the storage unit in Queens. A re-run of our trip there one year and seven days ago, I sat in the truck between Tommy and Art. Same truck. Same everything - except the crack in the windshield had grown. That, and we didn’t have a map. I figured those guys would remember how to get to the storage place. Nope. And I thought the address was on 19th Street because that was the way I'd mis-typed it into my Outlook contacts. Turns out it was 29th Street! We drove around lost for a bit before finally finding it. Last year it took what seemed like hours to fill that 5x8 storage unit. That's because everything barely fit and it took tremendous skill (on Arty's part) to pack everything in and shut the door. This year, we undid all that work in under an hour. I could not believe how much Art had managed to pack in there – every square inch of that room was used. When I opened the door, a green and red Christmas bin almost fell out.

After the truck was loaded there, the guys dropped me off on 49th, and I went home and finished up the remaining details. I’d parked my car at the Gershwin Theater parking right across the street. I’d already taken one load of stuff to it the day before. It cost me $31 to get the car out of parking. $31 for 24 hours! After that, Rudy the Doorman and I managed to pack everything else in the car that I needed for temp housing. Two kisses and a big hug from Rudy, and I was gone.

It was 5:00PM, and I was leaving NYC at rush hour. Another first for me. I went straight to the Lincoln Tunnel, but from there it was slow going. Took me 45 minutes to get out of the congestion and get moving south on the Jersey Turnpike.

200 miles and 3.75 hours later, I pulled right into the apartment complex where we’ll be living the next 4-6 weeks. It was easy to find, and it’s only 1.4 miles from my new job. Thank goodness I am facing a week off after this move. I need a vacation after spending the past eight weeks house-hunting, working, dealing with mortgage lenders, packing, filling out paperwork, and a billion other move-related tasks. I’m weary of it all.

But, one more chore to do. Tommy and Art are going to show up at my new 10x20 storage unit off the beltway outside of Baltimore about 6-7 hours from now. We’ll unload, and then I can get some groceries and finally just rest. I'm taking 8 days off after that. I don't even want to answer my phone unless it's friends or family.

I have one set of home-related paperwork to sign tomorrow afternoon at Winchester homes, but after that I’m not talking to any more home builders, real estate agents, landlords, new employers, movers, insurance agents, car dealers, DMVs, or mortgage lenders for at least a week. I swear, if I have to fill out one more form or application my hand is going to fall off. Enough!

Leaving the City was tough. Usually when I move I don't look back. But New York is an unforgettable city that, once you've lived in it, becomes a part of you - like a second heart beating away.

As I drove away the sun was setting; the skyline was breath-taking as always. I kept looking back at the Empire State Building - the symbol that made me feel I was "home" whenever I saw it. On every train ride, every cab or bus ride from the airport, every car ride into the City - I'd smile and feel very much at home as soon as I laid eyes on the 1,250-foot icon. I’m really going to miss New York. If I was rich, I’d have me a penthouse with a balcony overlooking Central Park.

Good-bye to the greatest city in the world! I’m going to miss it. I’ll be back to visit, you can count on it.

Musical Subways (Subtitle: The Three Blind Mice)

I’m such a slacker. I think this is the longest time I've gone without blogging. I’m sitting here watching Pittsburgh stomp the Broncos in the third quarter. I’m looking forward to watching the Seattle game later today. When I lived in Seattle, the Seahawks were nothing to gawk at. Mike Holmgren took over as head coach in 1999, and they slowly (very slowly) started to improve their game a few years later. Last year they came close to going all the way, but didn’t quite cut it in the play-offs. Well, it looks like they have finally arrived. Today’s game will tell for sure. Go Hawks!

This past Thursday, my two best friends in New York organized a going-away dinner for me. When Karthik and Jacqui asked me where I wanted to eat, I suggested Chris Noth’s restaurant on W. 24th. I’d read an article online about it. You know Chris Noth (pronounced “Note”) – he played the part of Mr. Big on Sex & the City. He’s also famous for his role as hunky-hunk Detective Mike Logan on Law & Order. I was hoping we’d bump into Big at the restaurant, but the most we got to see of him was a big picture (in sideburns, no less!) hanging on the wall in the bar. As it happens, the whole evening turned into a comedy of errors. . . .

It all started on Wednesday. Jacqui was leaving me a phone message when she let it slip that she was picking up our friend Peggy at the airport. (What I didn’t know was that Peggy was flying up from Florida just for my going-away!) Jacqui’s message was funny because after she let the cat out of the bag, she didn’t know what to say, so I nothing but dead air as she contemplated her goof, then a hang-up. I listened to a second voice mail where she'd called back laughing her head off. Finally I figured out it was supposed to be a surprise that Peggy was in town.

But she’s not the only one who let it slip. I was talking to Peggy that same day when she accidentally mentioned something about going into the NY office with Jacqui. So all I knew was that Peggy was in town, not that she’d made the trip for me.

Anyway, that night the girls met me at my apartment. A little while later we walked the two blocks to the R train. I have a Metro card, but Jacqui and Peggy didn’t, and mine needed refilling. As Jacqui and I started punching in our request on the touch-screen at the refill machines, a train pulled up. "The train's here!" I turned around and handed my Metro card to Peggy, saying, “Use this one! It still has $2.00 on it.” And I quickly bought a new card from the machine and ran to the turnstile. I swiped my card and jumped on the train, thinking Jacqui and Peggy were right behind me.

But they weren’t! Before I knew it, the doors were closing, and I did the unspeakable – I held the doors. If you've ever been on the subway in NY, you are familiar with the command, "Stand clear the closing doors!" I hate it when people hold the doors, but here I was doing it myself.

Or, more appropriately, the doors squashed my wrist (and it hurt, I might add!). Holding the doors causes them to reopen throughout the train, thus pissing off passengers who were in a hurry to leave. Jacqui was able to jump on the train. But Peggy didn’t make it! Her card wouldn’t swipe, and the doors were closing again! As the train pulled away, there was Peggy, stuck behind the turnstile! That face she had on - it was like that of a puppy dog you leave at the kennel. I looked at her through the window, pointing and mouthing “Take the next train” as we pulled away.

"Oh my god!" Jacqui said. "What are we going to do?!" We didn’t know what to do! Peggy is from Florida and doesn’t know the subway system. Not only that, but she didn’t know where the restaurant was. In fact, neither did Jacqui. And Jacqui never takes the subway, so I was the only one in our group who knew where we were going and how to get there.

We wanted to call Peggy, but of course neither of our cell phones worked on the train. So we hastily hopped off at the next stop – Times Square. We walked up the stairs in hopes of getting a signal. I was able to dial, but the number I had programmed in for Peggy turned out to be her Florida home, not her cell, so Jacqui tried calling on her phone. While she was doing that, I saw another train pull up downstairs and said, “Wait! Let’s see if she’s on that train!” I ran down the stairs, thinking Jacqui was behind me. I got on, and walked to the end of the car looking for Peggy. She was not on that car. And when I turned around Jacqui wasn’t there. “Jacqui? Jacqui?”

So I got off that car and looked for Jacqui on the platform. “Jacqui? Jacqui?” I couldn't believe this - no way I lost her too! I ran up the stairs but she was gone! Vanished into thin air. I sure what to do at this point. I figured she’d gotten on a different car on the same train I got off. Another train came, so I ran back down stairs and got on it, assuming it was the R train. All I had to do was go three more stops and get off, thinking it was best to just go to the restaurant. So I waited for the 23rd St. stop. Unfortunately, that stop came and went. I do this every time. All the maps show the R and N trains stopping at 23rd. But the N doesn’t. It passes right by and goes to 14th. And I was on the N. This was at least the third time I’d done that.

So I was on the wrong train, and I’d managed to lose both my friends in the subway tunnels of New York City. The three blind mice (or, in this case, blind rats).

I got off at Union Square, crossed the platform, and waited for the next R train. While I was making my way back up to 23rd, I typed in a text message to Jacqui on my phone: “Take R to 23rd, walk to Broadway & 23rd, wait there.” I kept hitting the Send key hoping I could get a signal. Finally, I got off the train, and my message was sent to Jacqui’s phone. Of course, with her being in the tunnels, I didn’t know if she’d get the message!

I was standing in one of my favorite areas of the city on a beautiful night, looking up at the Met-Life clock tower, illuminated in blue, rising above Madison Square Park. The Empire State building was lit up too. Once again, it hit me just how much I’m going to miss Manhattan when I move. I love the City at night. I would have loved to live in the Flatiron district.

So we were all split up with no way to communicate. I sent Jacqui a second text message, warning her to avoid the N. I walked over to the restaurant on 24th to see if Karthik was there, but he wasn’t, so I left him a voice mail saying we were running late, and I walked back to Broadway and 23rd. Turns out Jacqui did get my message. I waited for her at the top of the stairs, and as I saw her coming up to street level, I felt my phone vibrating from her call. Whew! Reunited.


But where was Peggy?

Just then Jacqui’s phone rang; it was Peggy. She had done the smart thing and gotten in a cab. I gave her the address to the Cutting Room, and Jacqui and I walked to the restaurant on 24th. It was very dark and very loud in this place. We had reservations at 7:00 but there was no hostess in sight. So we had to wait for a manager to come out. It was more of a club than a restaurant. The manager came out, removed the coats from the chairs of a table in the middle of the bar area and sat us down there.

The menu turned out to be nothing but bar food – appetizers, hot dogs, fish ‘n chips, etc. This was no restaurant! It was so dark that we had to steal candles from other tables just to read the menu. We ordered diet sodas and Calamari.

When Peggy showed up, she told us that she did get on another train where we’d left her, but that train turned out to be the N as well! It didn’t stop at 23rd, and when she heard the conductor announce “Next stop Canal, then on to Brooklyn” she knew enough to get off there (at Union Square) and take a cab. She was totally unruffled. I was impressed! Had I been new to NY and from out of town and lost in the subway and separated from my friends and didn't know the address of where I was going, I am pretty sure I would have panicked!

The Calamari was delivered to our table with three sauces – none of which we could determine a flavor for. The food wasn’t something to write home about. So we ordered the Tempura appetizer. Karthik finally showed up and at last we were all together, about an hour after our reservation. But I couldn’t hear a word he was saying over the noise, so we all agreed to leave the noisy bar and walk up Broadway to find another place to sit down. The Tempura (and its mystery sauces) wasn’t any better than the Calamari, so we left.

We walked up Broadway and went in a pizza place to sit down. We were putting down our coats when we noticed that most of the bins behind the sneeze guard were empty, and the pizza slice selections were minimal. It was only about 8:45pm, so finally we just asked the guy behind the counter if they were closed, and he said they closed at 9:00. Geez! We wanted a place we could sit and talk and eat, so we left.

Hmm….we’re in the middle of Manhattan before 9:00 and there are no restaurants open? Broadway was nothing but wholesale shops, so we crossed over to 5th Avenue and voila! There was a café on the corner of 28th. It took long enough, but we found a place to eat!

We each got our food and went upstairs to sit down. I went to the restroom, only to discover it was disgusting. There was something all over the floor that looked a lot like chewing tobacco. Meanwhile, Peggy promptly spilled her 16-ounce cup of coffee all over the table. I’m telling you – it was like there was a full moon or something that night! We couldn’t stop laughing at the multiple mishaps of the evening.

But we had a great time together. Since Peggy lives in Florida, Karthik in Pennsylvania, Jacqui in New Jersey, and I live in New York, this night was the first time the four of us all got together – and we vowed it wouldn’t be the last. I am lucky to have the great friends that I’ve made in my travels around this country. And these three - well, this is one special bunch.

Go Seattle! It’s 27-7 in the third. See you in the Bowl!

Stress-o-Meter 2006

Does your daily journal look like this?

Date: January 1, 2006
Number of cars purchased: 1
Number of offers submitted for home purchase: 1
Number of job offers received (for new role with new company in new state): 1
Miles traveled by train: 200
Miles traveled by car: lost count
Hours of sleep lost: 4
Number of New Years Eve celebrations: 0
Number of 2005 Christmas presents opened: still 0

Introducing the Stress-O-Meter 2006. It winces, it whines, it slices, it dices… With this amazing product you can stop worrying about overstressing yourself. The Stress-O-Meter is here to count the major stressors you endure day after day so you don’t have to. With the Stress-O-Meter on your side, you can survive one major stressor after the other – for infinity. Guaranteed.

Created by Susie Bernard and perfected through years of rigorous testing, the new and improved Stress-O-Meter gauges your stress level so you don’t have to! With the Stress-O-Meter, you save hundreds of dollars on psychiatric treatment.

Getting married? Divorced? No problem.
Getting married and divorced again? That’s nothing! (But...dang!)
Do you suffer from chronic pain? Are you recuperating from major surgery or illness? The Stress-O-Meter has you covered.
Buying your fifteenth car this year? Easy!
Purchasing your sixth home in 12 years? Ha!
Moving for the 40th time in 41 years? Moving across country? Moving into temp housing? Moving out of temp housing? Moving into storage? Moving out of storage? No sweat.
Is your high-pressure job killing you? Is your personal life swallowed up by work? Simple!
Suffering through an excruciating annual performance review? Changing jobs? Changing companies? Entertaining company? Losing your mind? Well, stop worrying. You can continue to endure all of life's major stresses simultaneously with the Stress-O-Meter 2006.

In fact, with the new and improved model, you can knock out all of the major stressors during one holiday season and still live to blog about it! Call today, and we’ll send you your new Stress-O-Meter 2006 for just $49.95* plus shipping and handling. Don’t delay – operators are sitting by.

But wait – there’s more!

Until midnight today only, we’ll take your used stressometer off your hands! Just send us your trade-in, and you’ll save $19.95 on the new Stress-O-Meter 2006! So dig up your old Ronco stressometer, whether it is the Benson & Hedges Menthol Ultra-Light 100’s stressometer from 1985, the Jim Beam stressometer of 1996 (with Whiskey Sour attachment), the 2001 Bud Light Six-Pack stressometer, or even the Hershey’s Chocolate stressometer that became popular in 2004! You don’t need those cheap imitators. All they do is mask your stress. Four out of five doctors know from personal experience.

Just send us your fake Stress-O-Meter (and a check), and buy the real thing today! You won’t be sorry.

We guarantee you a no-calorie, no-fat, no-carb, alcohol-free, nicotine-free, stress-free solution to gauging your stress level. Guaranteed to be therapy-free and to keep you stressing successfully for years to come.

If Susie can do it (year after year after year), anyone can. Call now!

*Offer expires January 2, 2006.

Show Time!

So the good news is my sister-in-law Jacqui made it to NY last Friday when the transit strike was delayed. I was so proud of her for navigating the whole bus-subway thing from LaGuardia to Midtown without a hitch! She never batted an eye.

Friday afternoon we started out at the Time Warner building – one of my favorite buildings in New York. It was all done up for the holidays with beautiful 3-D stars hanging up in the four-story glass atrium overlooking Columbus Circle. After shopping, we walked up Central Park West to the Dakota (where John Lennon was shot 25 years ago on December 8), and I pointed out Yoko Ono’s apartment – the one with the white shutters. Ono has bought up 80% of the building. Then we walked through Central Park, stopping at the Conservatory gift shop where Jacqui got a free Christo “Gates” print like the one I’d bought on my last visit there.

We walked through the brisk sunny day to the skating rink where we ate foot-longs before heading over to Fifth Avenue for some real shopping. After stopping in FAO Schwartz we went to Tiffany’s. I had the goal of buying myself something at Tiffany’s before leaving New York for good. Jacqui was behind me 100%! Of course this meant shopping on the “silver” floor, not the diamond floor. Mission accomplished! I am now the extremely proud owner of a Tiffany & Co. necklace and the signature blue box and bag that comes with it. And it cost under $200. Up on the diamond floor we saw a bracelet with a $260,000 price tag on it. That's a mortgage!

Jacqui ended up buying the same pendant! But if her husband (my brother Pete) asks – be sure to tell him it’s just a knock-off from Canal Street. :) Ahem!

After that fun excursion, we walked over to Rockefeller Plaza – past the tree – stopped in at Godiva, and on to Radio City Music Hall where we saw the Christmas Spectacular. But we actually got two shows for the price of one. Before the Spectacular began, a fight broke out between the nice young woman sitting to the left of Jacqui and the old woman behind her. This woman was at least 89 years old – very small and shriveled...and mean. The nice blonde in front of her had innocently put her coat inside her chair, with the collar hanging over the back of the chair. The old lady grabbed the top of the coat and threw it back at the woman as she was sitting down. She proceeded to yell, “Get your coat off my knees!" And then in the third person, "I don’t want her coat touching my knees!” This went on for a while.

It was absurd. We were all pretty stunned at her rotten behavior. An argument ensued, and the nice couple in front of the old lady had to go fine an usher to break it up. Finally, after several minutes of hateful arguing, the crotchety old woman gave in with “Fine then! She’s right and I’m wrong! That’s just fine! I don't care!” Yeh, and Merry Christmas to you too.

Wow. I’ve seen bratty kids better behaved. Anyway, Jacqui and I enjoyed the Rockettes and the ice-skaters on stage. The little girl who danced to The Nutcracker was especially talented. I wish my niece Zoe could have seen her – Zoe loves ballet. The Rockettes danced in several different outfits, my favorite being their reindeer costumes.

I was amazed at the number of kids at the show – and crying kids, at that. After the third parent carried a crying child up the aisle and out, I whispered to Jacqui, “Feel like you’re in church?”

So we saw the Rockettes! Woo-hoo! After all the walking we did, we were too tired to cook any dinner that night. Fortunately Jacqui can fend for herself. She was happy with a bag of microwave popcorn – topped off with some M&M’s that she pulled out of her duffle bag. I had pretzels and peanuts. Then we inflated her air mattress and both went to bed. (Some hostess I am!)

The next day we took the subway to Ground Zero. It was another sunny cold day. Jacqui and I walked over to the World Financial Center where we found a Starbucks and a Godiva store. Jacqui had to get her caffeine fix and chocolates for the show later. (I think we visited every Godiva in Manhattan!) The huge marble and glass atrium and palm trees in the building were beautifully adorned with Christmas lights, and Santa was there on stage, taking requests from a long line of children.

After a stop in at Century 21, we headed back uptown on the subway and walked up Broadway to the Schubert Theatre on 44th. We had front-row mezzanine seats for Spamalot! This is the sold-out show that I’d waited over six months to see. (I’d gotten the tickets on eBay a couple months back.) And we totally lucked out – Saturday the 17th turned out to be the final appearance of David Hyde Pierce (Niles on “Frasier”) as Sir Robin and Tim Curry as King Arthur. I was so afraid they wouldn’t be performing the Broadway show any more. Talk about luck! I was ecstatic to find out - (by eavesdropping on a conversation in the row behind us) - that they were still in the show. Yay!

It was hysterical! Spamalot is a somewhat anachronistic re-make of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, complete with many of the familiar jokes – “It’s just a flesh wound,” and “But I’m your king!” followed by, “Well, I didn’t vote for ya,” etc. I laughed so hard for so long. The audience loved it. Hank Azaria played gay Sir Lancelot, and Sara Ramirez was nothing short of fantastic as the Lady of the Lake. We really enjoyed ourselves. After that, I felt like my stay in New York is complete!

And finally, to top off a great two days, after a visit to the Hershey's store, we headed over to Sardi’s on 44th for dinner. We met my friend Peggy there. I’d actually never met Peggy in person. We’ve been virtual friends since I started interviewing for my current job about 16 months ago. We email each other a lot, talk over instant messaging, and call each other. But we’d never met.

Peggy was in town with her sister Janet and long-time friend Pam – all from Florida. So the five of us shared a meal at world-famous Sardi’s. Janet, Peggy, and I all work in computers. Thank goodness for Pam and Jacqui. Pam is a school teacher, and Jacqui is a radiologist. For once the conversation wasn't all about computer software and its associated problems. Although Peggy did have me in stitches every time she did her hilariously accurate imitation of this gossipy guy at work. Beyond that, no shop talk that evening! We had a blast. And the crab cakes were yummy too!

Anyway, I was so glad my sister-in-law came to town. We had a great time together. And I can’t wait to wear my Tiffany’s necklace this weekend at Christmas. It must’ve been our lucky weekend because Jacqui managed to avoid the transit strike, both coming and going.

The strike – well, that’s another story. It’s illegal and just flat-out wrong. Especially at Christmas time. The three-day transit strike has prevented millions of people from going to work and cost the city hundreds of millions of dollars a day. Tens of thousands have been filmed trudging over the Brooklyn Bridge on foot in single-digit temperatures to get to work.

Kudos to Mayor Bloomberg for getting on TV on Day One of the strike and calling these union workers “selfish” and “thuggish.” And more power to the judge who issued the million-dollar-a-day fine to the union for as long as they stayed off the job. What really gets to me is the complete lack of remorse by the union president - (I refuse to taint my new keyboard by typing his name) - for all the pain he’s caused hard-working people and businesses and travelers in New York. I repeat, it’s CHRISTMAS! How dare the union leaders do this the week before Christmas. I think this strike should qualify as a deadly sin.

I say put them in jail. Put the union leaders in jail and fire all the striking workers. They can be replaced. Ronald Reagan did it to the air traffic controllers. And it worked.

A funny thing happened on the local news Tuesday night. A reporter was airing the news live in front of Penn Station, amid a horde of people. A woman walked up behind him carrying a sign. In plain camera view, right behind the reporter, she walked across the sidewalk with a sign reading “F--- TWU” The reporter never even saw her – he just kept right on reporting about the horrific mess at Penn Station. I gotta tell you, though, that sign really summed it up for all of us here in NY!

I’m lucky – I can work from home. But most people don’t have that option. So, say when you say your prayers tonight, don’t forget about all the stranded New Yorkers!

Merry Christmas everyone! Here's a shot of my brother Dave and my beautiful nieces:

7 Million People Without Transportation

New York City’s transit system, known as MTA, is threatening to strike at midnight tonight. If this happens, over seven million people will be without transportation tomorrow. This means people can't go to work. It also means that my sister-in-law Jacqui, on her way to LaGuardia at 8:00AM tomorrow, might have a hard time getting from LGA to midtown. It certainly isn't walking distance.

This just pisses me off – and 6,999,999 other people. Mayor Bloomberg suggested people use their bicycles to get around. Right. It's sixteen degrees with a 4-degree wind chill and a winter storm on the way. How's that, Mr. Mayor?

I’ve got it easy. I can work from home if I have to. Most people can’t. (Not to mention, I’m on vacation tomorrow.) But who's to say this thing won't last days? And the rest of the city. . . it’s not like we can (a) fit 7 million more cars on the roads, or (b) afford to take a taxi to work. This strike is just not right. One of the porters in my apartment building was telling me that it would cost him 20 bucks to take a cab to work. Plus tip. That’s 45 bucks a day to commute. Can you imagine? He can’t afford it. Hell, I can’t afford that, and I live at the Gershwin!

It’ll be a costly strike for this city. Every single police officer will be called to duty, so overtime rates will soar. HOV rules will go into effect immediately – requiring 4 people per car. Crime will rise in the road-rage category. And think of the timing of this thing – it’s Christmas, for you-know-who's-sake! Imagine the number of displaced holiday travelers this will create. And what will it do to the local businesses who are counting on Christmas sales?

None of us want to think about it.

To add insult to injury, one other thing is heading our way tonight – freezing rain. This creates another obstacle for Jacqui to get here. It’s possible her plane will be delayed or cancelled. Man! We’ve got tickets to see not only the Rockettes, but Spamalot too! We have reservations at Sardi’s with my friend Peggy who's coming up from Florida. She’s got to make it here. She’s just got to.

So my fingers are crossed that the strike is averted.

A funny thing happened earlier this week. My girlfriend (the other Jacqui) came over to visit me (during the one 30-minute free timeslot I had all week). It'd been a while since we'd gotten together. She left our employer's office near Radio City Music Hall and was walking down the street toward my place when a Hummer stopped at an intersection and one of the passenger windows rolled down. Now Jacqui, as I've mentioned before, is a strikingly beautiful woman. So she gets a lot of attention. But this time it was unique. The guy who leaned out the window to hit on her was none other than Mike Tyson! Asking her if she needed a ride. Jacqui took one look at his ugly gap-toothed, tattooed mug and told Mr. Tyson (in no uncertain terms), "Puh-LEEZ, just GO AWAY!!"

You go girl! Hee hee.

So after an exhausting, hectic, stressful, hair-pulling week at work, I’m finally sitting down to do something relaxing - watch mindless TV and monitor the strike news. My back is killing me. My physical therapist and my doctor both told me to cut out the OT at my insane job. I wish the job would let me! I just can't get away from it. Heck, even Martin protested the overtime earlier in my workday. First he tried sitting on my computer. This caused a new email message to be composed to my co-worker Larry that went something like this:

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\


So I had to remove Martin from the keyboard.

When that ploy didn’t work, he sat himself down between the keyboard and the monitor and sat there for 10 minutes. I had to work around him - and he pretended I wasn't even there.

Ok, ok! I quit already! As my cousin Debbie said, "Martin knows best." Silly kitty.

Happy Holidays everyone!

That’sALotofPeople!

The famous Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center, New York.



Today I ran around doing chores all day. It was one of those days. After spending hours on the phone with HP, setting up my second return authorization on a computer in the past month, I did laundry. One of the 2nd floor washers broke down on me (never drained after the rinse cycle), so I had to do that load twice.

I was already a tad disgruntled about forking over $20.58 for a 12-dollar bag of kitty litter (made of recycled newspaper, no less). That’s the going price in midtown. It actually went up a dollar in the past year. Unbelievable. I remember paying $11.99 for the same cat litter in Washington state – and always thinking that was too much!

I stopped at the Christmas tree stand on the sidewalk outside of Rite Aid on my way back from buying groceries this evening. It was time to get my little tiny tree for my apartment. I asked the tree guy, "How much?" He said, "Forty dollars." I said, "FORTY? Last year they were $25." [Note: last year I thought $25 was too much for a 2-foot tall tree.] His heavily accented response was, "Oh my boss slap my wrist - tell me I not make enough money." Ha. Yeh, well at those prices you'll make even less this year. No tree for me.

So, after an ikky overpriced day, I deserved a treat. I put my blinking Santa hat on and headed toward Rockefeller Center. Holy cow – you would not believe the number of people cramming the sidewalks (and even the streets – we’re talking streets still open to cars, not pedestrians - believe it or not, the pedestrians were winning the turf battle). There must have been an extra million people in midtown. I said to one cop walking alongside me, “You must love this time of year.” Without so much as cracking a smile he retorted, “Bah humbug.”

After a quick trip to the office (the AXA building) to fix a monitor connection for a friend at work, I walked the long block from there to Rockefeller Plaza, dodging tourists the whole way. When I got to the plaza it was wall-to-wall people. But it was beautiful! Lots of lights everywhere! Some workers were still stringing lights on trees near the big Swarovski star. Nearly every person there was holding up a camera, taking pictures of companions in front of the big tree. Even Santa Claus was there. (Hmmmm. . . I wonder who filled in for him at Macy's??)

I was walking back home on 50th when I stopped to take a picture of a pretty store window. There was a couple standing beneath it (in fact, you can see their heads in the lower left corner of the photo here). I recognized a name on the man's cap, so I walked up and said “Catawba? That sure sounds familiar!” He smiled really big and said, in his familiar Carolina accent, “Catawba college, North Carolina. You from there?” I told them that I'd lived in Charlotte for 10 years. (Many moons ago.)

That’s when his sweet wife pointed to her rapidly swelling left foot and told me that one of those bicycle carriage things had run over it. She couldn’t walk. They were stranded there, in the middle of a very long block. They said there were at least five people on the carriage, so we estimated she'd had up to 1,000 pounds resting on her foot. The “driver” didn’t even realize he’d stopped the thing on her foot! She had to yell at him to back up.

So I stayed to help. Which direction to go to get a taxi? I figured that heading back to 6th Avenue – away from the largest throng of people – would be the shortest route. Her husband took her right arm, I took her left, and we held her up as she limped painfully the long block toward 6th Ave. I felt so badly for her. When we got to the corner it was like all the other street corners within 20 blocks – jam-packed with people standing and waiting for the crosswalk signal. People running into each other.

One really tall guy stopped to help us. He even offered to carry the patient! He went one way to try to hail a taxi – most of which weren’t available – and I went the other way. We got lucky. Within a minute a 2-person bicycle buggy came up to the intersection. I ran up to him: “There’s a lady with a sprained foot. How much to take her to her hotel five blocks up?” Fifteen dollars he told me. Sounded reasonable to me, in light of the alternative of limping the whole way. The couple made their way to us and crawled aboard the buggy. Meanwhile, the light had turned green and cars were honking at us. I jumped out of the middle of the road just in time - before someone ran over my foot.

That poor lady. Here they were enjoying a weekend vacation to see NYC at Christmastime, and this had to happen. If her foot is broken, she’s going to have a long night. I’ve only been in the Roosevelt Hospital ER once, and let me tell you, it’s a miserable all-day affair.

So I hope they made it back to their hotel OK. I can’t imagine her having to navigate the airport tomorrow to get back home to NC.

My tip for everyone out there - if you come to NYC to see the Christmas decorations, it's probably best to come the first week of December - on or after the tree lighting. The closer we get to the 25th, the more people cram themselves into midtown.

At home afterward, Martin did a funny thing. I was sitting in my TV chair with my laptop in my lap when he jumped up on the chair arm, walked onto the laptop, and plopped him self down on the keyboard. He proceeded to stretch out and take a nap!

Um. . . you think this is his way of getting my attention? This is one spoiled cat. I didn’t have the heart to remove him. . . until my leg fell asleep under his 17 pounds + 9-pound laptop. Poor spoiled baby is right.