Stress-o-Meter 2006

Does your daily journal look like this?

Date: January 1, 2006
Number of cars purchased: 1
Number of offers submitted for home purchase: 1
Number of job offers received (for new role with new company in new state): 1
Miles traveled by train: 200
Miles traveled by car: lost count
Hours of sleep lost: 4
Number of New Years Eve celebrations: 0
Number of 2005 Christmas presents opened: still 0

Introducing the Stress-O-Meter 2006. It winces, it whines, it slices, it dices… With this amazing product you can stop worrying about overstressing yourself. The Stress-O-Meter is here to count the major stressors you endure day after day so you don’t have to. With the Stress-O-Meter on your side, you can survive one major stressor after the other – for infinity. Guaranteed.

Created by Susie Bernard and perfected through years of rigorous testing, the new and improved Stress-O-Meter gauges your stress level so you don’t have to! With the Stress-O-Meter, you save hundreds of dollars on psychiatric treatment.

Getting married? Divorced? No problem.
Getting married and divorced again? That’s nothing! (But...dang!)
Do you suffer from chronic pain? Are you recuperating from major surgery or illness? The Stress-O-Meter has you covered.
Buying your fifteenth car this year? Easy!
Purchasing your sixth home in 12 years? Ha!
Moving for the 40th time in 41 years? Moving across country? Moving into temp housing? Moving out of temp housing? Moving into storage? Moving out of storage? No sweat.
Is your high-pressure job killing you? Is your personal life swallowed up by work? Simple!
Suffering through an excruciating annual performance review? Changing jobs? Changing companies? Entertaining company? Losing your mind? Well, stop worrying. You can continue to endure all of life's major stresses simultaneously with the Stress-O-Meter 2006.

In fact, with the new and improved model, you can knock out all of the major stressors during one holiday season and still live to blog about it! Call today, and we’ll send you your new Stress-O-Meter 2006 for just $49.95* plus shipping and handling. Don’t delay – operators are sitting by.

But wait – there’s more!

Until midnight today only, we’ll take your used stressometer off your hands! Just send us your trade-in, and you’ll save $19.95 on the new Stress-O-Meter 2006! So dig up your old Ronco stressometer, whether it is the Benson & Hedges Menthol Ultra-Light 100’s stressometer from 1985, the Jim Beam stressometer of 1996 (with Whiskey Sour attachment), the 2001 Bud Light Six-Pack stressometer, or even the Hershey’s Chocolate stressometer that became popular in 2004! You don’t need those cheap imitators. All they do is mask your stress. Four out of five doctors know from personal experience.

Just send us your fake Stress-O-Meter (and a check), and buy the real thing today! You won’t be sorry.

We guarantee you a no-calorie, no-fat, no-carb, alcohol-free, nicotine-free, stress-free solution to gauging your stress level. Guaranteed to be therapy-free and to keep you stressing successfully for years to come.

If Susie can do it (year after year after year), anyone can. Call now!

*Offer expires January 2, 2006.