Millennium Madness - Part I

I spent a huge portion of my weekend configuring my new work laptop with all the applications required to perform my job. This pissed me off because (A) it’s summertime and I should be outdoors enjoying the sunshine, and (B) this chore couldn’t have come at a worse time – performance review time.

It took me a total of 12 hours to copy all my data over and get the new laptop to "working" status. I had the laptop up and running beautifully for a blissful 48 hours when the home-grown VPN connection utility we are forced to use quit working . . . while I was at my client’s site trying to prepare for a presentation that I was to give later today. Well, guess what? I can’t do my job without VPN connectivity.

I'd already spent hours on Saturday night in the un-air-conditioned company office on the phone with two different Help Desk technicians just trying to get the VPN software installation program to work like it's supposed to. The first technician didn't have a clue and when I suggested he look up the reason for the erroneous error message in the knowledge base, he put me on hold and eventually just hung up. He never did call back, and I was unable to track him down to complain to his manager because he never opened up a service request. Nice. Fortunately, the second person I got had seen the error before and knew what it meant. She got the thing working for me, thus luring me into a false sense of security in Help Desk support.

I'm such a sucker. I never should have fallen for it.

So, as of this afternoon, I’m back in Help Desk Hell again. In fact, I’m positive that the technician I spoke with at length tonight who hosed up my machine again was the same exact one who did the same exact hosing last time. Peter from Colorado Springs. I recognized his voice and mannerisms once I realized what he’d done to my brand new, freshly configured machine that'd I'd sacrificed my weekend for. By then it was too late.

Only then did I realize that I was reliving the exact same nightmare with the exact same technician who hosed my machine up months ago using a similar tactic of deleting files and rendering my extranet access null and void. I could not believe it. I nearly kicked myself for making the same mistake twice.

Was the first incident supposed to be a dress rehearsal? Was I too blind with rage the first time to learn my lesson - that (sadly) the guy on the other end of the phone who is supposed to be fixing my problem actually knows less about the problem than I do?

Afterward I wanted to scream and run far, far away. As Augusten Burroughs would put it, my inner serial killer had been activated. This meant it was time to turn off the PC and get out my new Mary Tyler Moore show Season 1 DVDs and vegetate in front of the boob tube. And that's exactly what I did before replacing my new laptop with my old one on my docking station (so that I can work tomorrow) and going to bed....to read more of Augusten's entertaining stories.

See I did learn something this time: forget about it and relax. The problem will still be there tomorrow. Oh, and never, ever, ever call Help Desk again. How many times have I said that this year? If you hear me say it again, I'm too stupid to live. Kindly shoot me. Thank you.