Thanksgiving for Singles

I went shopping at Whole Foods for Thanksgiving food today. Actually, that wasn't my intention, but since everyone else was buying turkey and cranberries, I thought I should at least _try_ to partake of the traditional Thanksgiving meal tomorrow. So I bought some deli-prepared food consisting of: 1/2 pound of yams ($3.53), 3 slices of turkey ($6.26), one serving of stuffing ($4.64), a bag of frozen peas ($1.39), creamed spinach ($2.40), and a cannoli ($1.99). I have never had a cannoli before. Maybe I'll skip the turkey and go straight to dessert!

Gee, and I was trying to SAVE money by eating in tomorrow. It's over $20 a plate at my house, and no free refills. In fact, no refills to speak of.

Obviously, I'm still in shock from the grocery prices. There was this pint-sized plastic container of beautiful diced fruit that looked yummy, so I started to put it in my basket...till I noticed the $8.45 price tag. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? For 1/10th of a kiwi, 1/100th of a cantaloupe, 1/100th of a pineapple, and a dozen grapes. Yikes!! That's about a thousand dollars a pound! I put it back.

The apartment hunt continues in vain. Microsoft finally assigned me an "agent." It was a mistake for me to request a "younger female" (who could empathize with a woman's need for a closet just for shoes). Well, I spoke to her on the phone, and she sounds all of 22 and talks like the flighty chick in "American Pie." (Don't ask me which flighty chick, I don't remember.) Sigh.

Ok, so besides your first-born, here are the requirements just to apply for a lease here in NY:

"Letter from employer stating position, salary and length of employment and any information regarding bonus, guaranteed or otherwise.
- Last two (2) pay stubs.
- Last two (2) years tax returns.
- Last two months bank statements.
- Name, addresses, and phone numbers of previous landlords.
- Two personal reference letters.
- Two business reference letters.
- Verification of other assets such as real estate, securities, etc.
- Photo identification.
- DNA sample. [Ok, so I made that one up, but I'll bet you a nickel that becomes a requirement in the next 100 years.]
If you have yet to open a New York City bank account or do not have a social security number, let your agent know in advance of your arrival. In cases where you are applying for an apartment in a condo or co-op, be prepared to present a complete description of your assets and liabilities. Once you find a home that suits you, an application must be filled out, documentation submitted, and application fees paid. If there is any negotiation of terms, your Relocation agent will oversee this process."

Oy. And this agent person gets paid thousands of dollars to stand by and watch me fill out all this paperwork while I find the apartment of my dreams on the Internet. (Hint: it doesn't exist. The ads on the Internet are very deceiving. Like the place I looked at last night that was supposed to be a corner unit on the 41st floor with a view of Central Park for $2,900. It was a side unit on the 43rd floor with no view for $3,050. And they say pictures don't lie.... Ha!)

So today I went through badge-processing for my job at the brokerage firm. This consisted of traipsing all over midtown in the pouring rain, having my picture snapped in each building I had to enter (after getting by three security checks), getting finger-printed, background-checked, and drug-tested. They actually wanted me to list all the vitamins and herbs and medications I've taken in the last month. I asked if I could have an extra sheet of paper.

One thing's for sure: NY is probably one of the safest places to live these days. Still on orange alert, since 9/11.

The moral of this blog is, if you ever move to NY, be prepared to deal with a lot of red tape and frequently get on the subway going in the wrong direction. And have LOTS of money! ("The Apprentice" is becoming a more and more viable option as a means to make rent.)

Happy Thanksgiving all!